Saturday, May 16, 2009

Panic Mode

I'm really worried that having the baby will be an overwhelming emotional adjustment. I mean, mentally, I know a baby's coming. And physically, too, with little taps and wiggles reminding me just when I start to forget. But I don't have any way to make myself emotionally aware. I need to do the work, the physical work, of preparing for a baby, and I can't.

See, I already have everything I need for the new baby. Everything. (Well, I do need the birth kit, and some white stuff for baby to wear right out of the womb.) Otherwise though, there is no preparing to be done. And it's making me crazy.

I'm not even five months pregnant, but I'm feeling so anxious and antsy, and I don't know what to do with this anxiety. My mom says I need a project, and I think she's right. I've been working on making inventory for my etsy shop, but that's not really helping. (Plus also, I don't even HAVE an etsy shop. So I'm making stuff with the hope of having an etsy shop, and hoping to have an etsy shop and actually having an etsy shop are two very different things. I guess I should get on that.)

What I need to do is busy myself doing something to get ready for the baby, and I think I should make something.

I thought about making a quilt. The problem is, I don't know how to make a quilt. And I don't know the baby's gender, and 99.9% of "baby" fabrics are either pink or blue, and if they're not pink or blue, they're definitely masculine or feminine. Or just downright ugly. And to be honest, when I look at all the work and measuring and cutting and just the overall precision of making a quilt - well, let me put it this way. Just thinking about it makes me want to rip out my hair and gouge out my eyeballs. A quilt is definitely out.

Here's another problem. I know how to sew, and am actually quite proficient, but I have absolutely no clue how to read or use a pattern. This is another thing that sends me into panic mode. Do you know what patterns look like? They have like, printing all over them. And you're supposed to measure, I don't know, something, and then you have to cut it out all neatsy peatsy, and then you have to pin it on the fabric and cut that out, and AUGH! It's just too much. Too, too much.

So for now my mission is this: Find a project. Do the project. And stop panicking, already.

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