"Birth Plan"

I'm really glad to be having a home birth, because I don't have to have a strict birth plan. Birth plans are stupid, because you spend all this time making one, and then you get to the hsopital and they might as well tear it up right in front of you, because they don't take anything you wrote seriously.


So its cool to have a homebirth because I don't need to write "please don't give me an iv" or "don't circumcise my son" or any of the other stuff you have to worry about, because its all impossible! You're at home! Yay!


But there are a few things I'm thinking about. In no particular order (and assuming you're the midwife, which I am quite aware you are not.)

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Please don't cut the cord until it stops pulsing.

Please don't wipe the baby off, unless there is mucus that needs to be wiped off the face to facilitate breathing. I would like to give the baby his or her first bath.

Please don't announce the baby's gender. We'd like to discover that on our own.

Please don't punch me in the belly to make the placenta detach, like the obstetricians do in the hospital. If possible, please just let the placenta detach on it's own, even if it takes a few hours.

Please don't do any internal exams unless I feel "pushy."

Please don't coach me in pushing, and don't make me hold my breath during pushing.

Please don't adminster eye drops or a vitamin K shot to my newborn.

--- > I'm sure there's more. I'll add to the list when I think of something.